It has recently come to my attention that you felt the need to explain to the country and to the world that our nation's increasing interest in soccer can only be a sign of America's moral decay.
Well, I'd like to respond. And I won't even go for the painfully obvious fact that almost everything you stand for is the real moral decay of this country.
But let's talk soccer.
You cite Ted Kennedy's Immigration and Nationality Act of 1965 as the only reason Americans have an increasing interest in The Beautiful Game, and that no American whose great grandfather was born in America watches soccer.
My great grandparents were born here and I love watching soccer. In fact, I even played it for 19 years. Guess what? I've never even been to Mexico. And I bet I could circulate a petition that would garner thousands of signatures of people who watch and/or play soccer whose great grandparents didn't come here on a ship or by crossing the Rio Grande. I'm sorry that your parents kept you from any sort of diversity-driven life experiences while you enjoyed your clam bakes and Cotillion classes growing up in Connecticut. And by the way, have you ever driven by a field in Fenwick or Darien? Pleeenty of little white kids running around kicking soccer balls.
To address your next point, individual achievement (and failure) is a huge part of soccer. Ever heard of the Maradona's Hand of God? How about Roberto Baggio's missed PK in '94? Brandi Chastain and that black sports bra? Oh yeah, of course you haven't. You've been too busy with your head in the ground to ever open your mind to anything beyond the NRA and scheming ways to block women's right to the vote.
You say "No child's self-esteem has ever been bruised" in soccer. As a child who spent her formative years playing the game, I can tell you that some of the lowest points in my life came from soccer experiences. Missing PKs, blowing tap-ins over the cross bar, scoring own-goals, losing in a national championship, not getting selected for the ODP Regional Team... some days you were the absolute goat on the pitch and never wanted to show your face again. But you did. You always came back. And how you responded to those self-esteem bruising moments formed the resiliency and never-say-die character that has made a lot of ex-soccer players who they are today.
I'm not even sure what you mean when you say liberal moms like soccer because the girls can play with the boys, unlike in serious sports. Hundreds of little girls play hardball and basketball on boys' teams. Oh, and remember that little girl who plays football? Samantha Gordon? She makes her opposition look like toddlers trying to tackle Marshawn Lynch.
I'll keep my next point short. Your distaste for the fact that soccer matches can end up in 0-0 draws is a clear reflection of your ignorance of the drama and progression of a tactical duel. If this is your stance, don't you think our wars in the Middle East are just so darn boring? Who's winning? Why isn't there more action? Yawn. Those seem long and never-ending too. But wait... you support those... I'm confused.
I'll keep my next point even shorter. There's no prospect of major injury in soccer? First of all, the fact that you think that is a BAD thing (even if it was reality) is disturbing. Secondly, other than rugby, soccer players wear the least amount of protection of any sport. Thirdly, watch this.
Furthermore, congratulations for realizing that soccer is foreign! You got one thing right! It originated in England in the early 1800s. Guess what else originated in England centuries ago? The founders of the United States. Ann, unless you're a full-blooded Native American, I've got some news that will break your heart -- you're foreign too. Please try not to take that too hard.
Maybe the reason Americans have a newfound interest in soccer is that they're just discovering the beauty, grace, passion and tactical masterfulness of the game. And yes, it lasts a *whole* 90 minutes. How do we ever stay awake?! All us soccer fans should be thankful that we won't end up like Michael Jackson, right Ann? Too soon, by the way.
I have more for you, but in the off chance I ever get to meet you face to face, I'll save it for that. I'll just end this by saying I can tell you where you can stick your opposable thumbs... you know, the ones that separate you from all of us foreign, unevolved, soccer-loving beasts.
Ex-soccer player, current soccer fan and future soccer mom,
Lisa K. Daiss
