Dodge, dip, duck, dive, dodge

I used to think of biking the streets of Boston as the world's deadliest video game (with obvious lack of extra lives).

Having spent a few weeks here during the year's harshest season, I must amend that notion. Biking the streets of Boston IN THE WINTER ups the ante considerably. Every time I hit the streets on my olive-green road warrior I am thrust into a combination of Frogger and the Sherbet Land course on the N64 Mariokart.

*Note: I usually "exercise bike" on the exercise-friendly path that runs along the Charles River, but the snow and ice as of late have rendered that impossible. My long bike rides on the streets are not a frequent occurrence.

Firstly, we must consider those with whom I'm sharing the road. They don't call the drivers in Boston "Massholes" for nothin'. Rude, inconsiderate, and offensive, all Bostonian drivers think they own the road. So many alpha drivers create a dangerous landscape for those on a less powerful mode of transportation (bikers). They jerk out of their metered parking spots with fervor and resolution. They seem to think it's acceptable to speed through intersections 2 full seconds after their signal changes to red. They switch lanes with reckless abandon (and often without looking).

But the drivers are only part of the problem. So far this winter, Boston has gotten 60.3 inches of snow (near the height of Shaq's nipples), and the thing about the northeast is it never really gets warm enough to melt substantially. So snow upon snow upon snow piles up until there's nowhere to really put it. The snowplows push it to the side of the road, blocking parking spots. So what do the cars that want to park do? They do so in the bike lane. Not only do I have to concentrate on swerving around huge chunks of ice/snow in my path, I no longer have that nice little 3-foot safety cushion.

On a note totally unrelated to safety, days when it's warm enough to actually bike outside are usually juuuust warm enough to melt the snow a tiny amount, leaving puddles of dirty slush on the side of the road (my path, of course). I just felt that as long as I was ranting on how unsafe it is to bike in Boston I may as well complain about how dirty I get while riding. My tires fling everything they come across in an upward direction. The cold, dirty slush inundates my buttcrack and makes a filthy, wet line all the way up to my ponytail. Crusty, dirty ponytails make me uncomfortable.

So as you can see, winter road biking in the city of Boston is neither for the oblivious nor the high-maintenance. After every bike workout on the street I am usually just as or more mentally exhausted than physically exhausted.

I just want my foot to finally heal so I can start RUNNING again. Until then, maybe I'll just stick to the painfully boring drudgery of stationary biking in the gym. I hate exercising indoors. Yikes.

An eternal germaphobe

January 18th, 12:03 a.m.: My cab finally pulls up to the door of my apartment building in Boston. Exhausted from a long day's travel from LA, the pace of my heart quickens at the thought of my bed a mere 40 vertical feet away. I hand the cab driver some cash and ask for $8 in return. He grunts, laboriously leaning to his left buttcheek, and pulls out a wad of ones. The seemingly harmless cabbie then proceeds to hawk a loogie and spit into his index and middle fingers and his thumb (yes, hawk an actual loogie- this was not a mere licking of his digits before leafing through the paper like most do, which is bad enough) to count my eight single dollar bills.

Concentrating hard on suppressing my gag reflex, I gingerly take the bills, attempting with all my might to locate any surface area of the money unaffected by the cabbie's saliva. I grab the stack from its northwestern-most corner and shove the bills into a secluded area of my backpack, lest they touch and therefore contaminate any of my other belongings. And there they remained until the first possible opportunity I had to get rid of them (sorry, Subway... the footlong was delicious).

When I was a little kid I had a real germ neurosis. I think it stemmed from my mom, as I can recall a particular day when I was about 7 years old she took my brother and me hiking in Wilderness Park. We were down by the creek and I found a syringe, so I picked it up (didn't touch the needle part) to show her and ask what it was for. Knowing it was most likely a heroin needle she yelled "Put that down or you'll get AIDS!" She didn't realize I'd take it so seriously, but for about a month after that I was convinced I was HIV-positive. As a perfectly healthy 7 year-old. Awesome.

My intense fear of germs was actually quite ironic because I was just about the most dirty, scruffy, ragamuffin-esque kid there was. I made no sense. A typical day for me would consist of playing outside all day in the dirt, scraping my knees and elbows playing in the street, and literally dumpster-diving with my brother Danny to find Marlborough Points and Pepsi Points (remember in the '90s those points on cigarette packs and Pepsi bottles that you could cut out then send in for cool prizes?). Then at night I'd come home and after I took a shower be afraid to touch anything before I went to bed, because I thought the germs would get on my skin and throughout the night make their way into my orifices. One day in the middle of the summer I even wanted to wear winter gloves to Disneyland because I knew that place was swarming with germs. That was when my mom put her foot down. My fear of germs has throughout the years waned significantly, but there are still remnants of that terrified kid in me.

Thus, this loogie experience in the cab was one of the more revolting in my recent recollection of germ woes. Seriously... WHO DOES THAT? I have a theory that he was probably hoping I'd see his deplorable action and in utter disgust tell him just to keep it, but little did he know I was a poverty-stricken grad student. Eight bucks is a lot of money! I once watched a news segment on how disgusting money is germ-wise (another contributing factor to my childhood neurosis I'm sure). The investigation team swabbed a bunch of random bills in their wallets and found traces of fecal matter, countless strands of bacteria, and particles of just about every virus still in existence (no smallpox, luckily). We have people like my cabbie to thank for this.

The germaphobe kid in me has a friendly PSA to share: wash your hands diligently after handling money.

When you ride alone, you ride with Hitler

I read the following quote in the one current magazine to which I have a subscription: The Week. Before I get into the thick of this post, I was reflecting earlier today on the evolution of magazine subscriptions individuals experience throughout their lives. My magazine timeline started with MAD Magazine (which  may or may not have lasted until sophomore year of college...), and at some point MAD overlapped with Tigerbeat, then Seventeen and Cosmogirl, and now I receive The Week, a comprehensive and interesting news magazine. I have my good friend Kat Daiss to thank for introducing me to it. Back to the quote-

“In the United States, the scent of decline is in the air. Imperial overreach, political polarization, and a costly financial crisis are weighing on the economy. Some pundits now worry that America is about to succumb to the ‘British disease.’ Doomed to slow growth, the U.S. of today, like the exhausted Britain that emerged from World War II, will be forced to curtail its international commitments. The most convincing explanation for British decline [is that] the country failed to develop a coherent policy response to the financial crisis of the 1930s. The country turned inward. Its politics grew fractious, its policies erratic, and its finances increasingly unstable. In short, Britain’s was a political, not an economic, failure. And that history, unfortunately, is all too pertinent to America’s fate.”

- Barry Eichengreen in Project Syndicat

Yes, that is indeed a rather LOADED quote, but no matter what your political affiliation you must admit that it is riddled with truth. However, I will avoid the international commitments part, and I'm not here to convert anyone to my political views, or try to tell you what is right, because I admittedly have no idea. But I do recognize two incontrovertible truths about current American society and current American politics:

1. We are a nation of wusses with a delusional sense of entitlement.

2. There is a hell of a lot of talking and not much doing in Washington.

Let me take you back to the 1930's, when we were between World Wars and America was Greatly Depressed. The economy was in the toilet, and unemployment reached an historical-high of 24.9 percent. Sound familiar? Most Americans were living on little-to-nothing, the likes of which our generation couldn't imagine. The government didn't help. There was no U.S. Welfare System until the Social Security Act was enacted in 1935 and finally amended in 1939 under FDR (what a man), and even that was nothing like it is today. But guess what? The people who lived through the Great Depression (well, most of them) survived. Back then, America was a nation of resilient people. 

Fast-forward to December 7, 1941. The bombing of Pearl Harbor. FDR declares war on the Japanese and we officially enter WWII. The economy not yet near recovered, FDR makes it very clear to Americans that they as a nation would have to make sacrifices. Key word here, folks: sacrifice. Major sacrifices were made on both business and personal levels in 3 aspects: price controls, rationing, and taxes. 

Price controls: War has an inflationary effect because it drives up demand for raw materials. To combat this, the government froze prices on many items. 

Rationing: To make sure there were enough vital materials, the government limited the amount of both raw and synthetic materials available for purchase. Take gas for example: an "A" rationing sticker gave driver 4 gallons per week, and drivers were urged to keep their speed below 40 MPH- to save tires AND fuel. Carpooling was also encouraged, as posters read "If you're driving alone, you're driving with Hitler."

Taxes: Tax rates sharply rose. Period. 

My point is, Americans made sacrifices for the good of America because they believed in their country and its government. This could never happen today because we are all spoiled and want our own way. We want our cake and to eat it too. Every working American demands a comprehensive benefits package and to retire by the age of 55 with a comfortable social security plan to support the last 30 years of their lives, but G-d forbid the government should take any tax money out of their hard-earned wages! What a ridiculous notion! And that only applies to those who actually have jobs that pay enough to live on. Welfare recipients are a whole other can of worms that I will gladly open if privately provoked. Newsflash: America's economy is spiraling downward as fast as (and has a comparable likeness to) a turd in a toilet, and until the people of this nation can all rally and commit to making some tough personal sacrifices, it will continue to do so. Things must get worse before they can get better, and that's the ugly truth. 

Which brings me to my second point: this country can't be fixed until action is taken. The traditional two party system of American politics has become a messy, ineffective, gridlocked beast to apparently NOT be reckoned with, though it should be. Everyone sits around and gripes about how awful the current political landscape is, yet no one does anything about it (if you're anything like me you just thought to yourself "that's exactly what YOU'RE doing right now, hypocrite!"...which is entirely true). But those at the top need to recognize that the national political stage can't just be a bipartisan pissing contest anymore- our country is in deep shit. Well, if it were that easy, why haven't the politicians who can actually turn this country around started doing so? Because everyone owes something to someone. Most politicians feel the pressure to kowtow to the special interest groups who provide them with monetary support for their campaigns. It is those special interest groups who day-in and day-out send armies of lobbyists to Washington and if their demands aren't met, could pull the means they have provided to keep Rep. Puppet McPuppetson in office, and that scares the hell out of everyone in Washington. 

Before you start trying to decode this post and solve the puzzle that is my political affiliation, don't waste your time. I'm sure at times throughout this post your emotions were tampered with. "Oh! She's a republican! No, wait! She's a democrat! Well, maybe she's a communist. Anarchist? UUUGGHHH." I have a lot of conflicting views and don't believe political affiliations should be a line-item deal; each issue should be scrutinized on a non-partisan level. 

There you have it. We are a nation of spoiled brats with no hope of change (yes, Obama's snazzy campaign diction fooled you all). 

For your entertainment, a selection of more American WWII posters

you say you want a reSolution

Ah yes, it's that time of year again when the Gregorian calendar year sheds its past 365 days and begins anew.

According to www.newyear2011.net, the 10 most popular New Year's resolutions for this year are (in reverse order):

10. Move to a new house
9. Take a trip
8. Start a hobby
7. Give up a bad habit
6. Get organized
5. Pursue higher education
4. Pay off debt
3. Find a mate
2. Change jobs
1. Get into shape

These top 10 shouldn't be surprising to anyone. What surprises me is that year after year, so many suckers continue to make New Year's resolutions. It's not that I think trying to better oneself is a negative thing- I'm all for it. I support the notion of self improvement 100%. It's just that I personally do not believe that waiting until January 1 every year to attempt self-revolution is either logical or effectual.

Anyone who really wants to better themselves will take action on any day of the year. Waiting until January 1 already indicates that you are flighty and uncommitted. If you really want to lose 25 pounds, you won't wait until after you pig out on fruitcake, gingerbread, glazed hams, and other sweet and savory holiday morsels to commit to it. I once read somewhere that Americans gain an average of 6 pounds over the holidays. So now you've got to lose 31 pounds, making the task that much more daunting. This doesn't just apply to losing weight- the same goes for quitting smoking, accumulating debt (which as we all know is a slippery slope during the November/December months), etc. The more you make something a part of your routine, the harder it is to break. Those who really want to change won't put it off. The act of putting it off means you're still a slave to it on some level.

How many people do you know actually keep their resolutions longer than one month? Two months? I can feel the numbers dwindling through the computer screen. The thing with New Year's resolutions is that at the very first sign of positive results, Pride creeps in. And we all know who Pride's best friend is: Arrogance. They are like Bonnie and Clyde. Laurel and Hardy. Butch and Sundance. They are both inseparable and destructive. At the first taste of success, people tend to think they deserve to reward themselves and even worse, that they don't need to continue to do what they did to get those results in the first place! It's human nature. We as a species lack discipline and humbleness, and the fact that we all wait around until January 1 to become a part of this mass attempt at self-betterment not only cheapens the process, but also greatly decreases the potential success rate.

Maybe my cynicism finds its roots in my annoyance of how crowded the gym is during the first few weeks of January, or the observation of empty shelves where boxes of Nicorette used to be. Or maybe how year-in and year-out I witness the same people failing at the same resolutions. I'm not really sure. Just to reiterate,  I feel I must post a disclaimer that I am not out to be the be-all, end-all of New Year's resolution naysaying. Godspeed to all of you looking to better yourselves! Any commitment to positive self-revolution is noble in nature, and if you are still on whatever wagon you hopped on this January 1 come July- I shall commend you. I'm simply stating my disbelief in the success of the institution, and maybe even offering a warning to all of you embarking on the journey.

That said, bring on 2011.

"The Old Year has gone. Let the dead past bury its own dead. The New Year has taken possession of the clock of time. All hail the duties and possibilities of the coming twelve months!" - Edward Payson Powell