Pipe down!

Time for another crotchety grumbling.

September 9, 2011: The first Friday night of the academic school year at Boston University. The first night of freedom for hundreds, nay thousands of horny eighteen year-olds thirsting for alcohol. The first night for these youngsters away from their parents, without the dreaded prospect of class the next day. The loudest night of the year.


If you have in any capacity been following my blog for the past (almost) year, you've probably picked up on the fact that one of the few things I cannot and do not tolerate is the increasingly inconsiderate nature of people. On average, the level of consideration for others decreases exponentially for each new generation. This means that my generation, Generation Y, is somewhat more considerate than the newest generation, Generation Z (aka the "Internet Generation"). Subsequently, the Greatest Generation (see former post, The frightening future), the last living generation of the present day, has by far the most consideration for others. Though I have no quantifiable data to back this theorem, you know it's an undeniable fact- especially if you are a member of one of the older generations.

Last night, after I scrubbed the day off, brushed my teeth, and crawled into my long-johns, I nestled under my sheets excited for the restful sleep that awaited. Yes, it was 10:30pm on a Friday. Yes, I am a healthy, exuberant 23 year-old. Go ahead and judge me for my state of affairs last night. Even though I was under the weather, I probably would have been doing the same thing regardless, as my party years have petered out. I'll take a nice bottle of cabernet over a 40oz. of Mickey's in a heartbeat.

Right as my head hit the pillow, the underage collegiate atmosphere came to life almost en queue. Multiple ambulances screamed down the street, armed with stomach pumps to rescue morons who thought it would be a great idea to play Power Hour with their three best frenemies Jack, Jim, and Jose (Daniels, Beam, and Cuervo). Shit-faced barely-legals stumbled down the sidewalks in their vagina-bearing short skirts and 6-inch heels, shrieking unintelligible Facebook acronyms ("O-M-GGGG!!!). And of course, some DJ-Pauly D-wannabe neighbor, whom I was unable to locate geographically, turned his subwoofers to their highest setting and played the most God-awful, loud, fist-pumping techno "music" for 3 straight hours. I could never understand the point of music that loud (how can you possibly communicate with others?), or techno in general, but I digress. Does this fool not realize there are scores of other residents around him, some of whom have life goals that don't include looking like a leather sack, finding someone different to "smoosh" every night, and taking body shots off Snooki?

While you may argue that it is my fault that I chose to live near students, it is something a destitute grad student in the city of Boston cannot elude. ~55 colleges exist within a 5 mile radius, leaving quiet, affordable living options scarce. And I don't think I'm being completely unreasonable here- fine, be as loud as you want until 11pm, then simply turn your volume (vocal, sound system, and otherwise) DOWN. Or leave and go to an actual bar or club. I have no problem with that.

Tonight is Saturday, and I do not expect the noise pollution to be any better than last night. However, I have to wake up at 8am tomorrow to travel to UMASS-Amherst to broadcast a game, and will not hesitate to own the role of that bitchy, party-pooping neighbor who calls the cops and shuts your party down. So please have some consideration, and keep your music and voices to a reasonable decibel and bass level. Thank you.