Did she just say that?

Due to my complete lack of brainpower as a result of being in the process of moving, my poor little cerebrum can barely put together a sentence, let alone a coherent, thoughtful piece of writing that would have otherwise been the content of this blog post. And because this is my last night in my old apartment, everything I own with the capacity to entertain and keep myself busy is quietly nestled away in its respective box. Thus: my urge to write a blog entry.

Combine these two current conditions of mine (feather-brainedness and the need for something to do) and, voila! You get the extreme pleasure of perusing a list of some of my all-time favorite idioms and sayings. Most of these come from none other than Jim (the man, the myth, the legend) Kevorkian, and his nuptial counterpart, give it up for my mom: Nancer Pancer Kevorkian. Though they dominate the majority of the featured entries on this list, a few prized others have come from individuals who will appropriately receive credit.

*DISCLAIMER: This list is not for those holier-than-thou nor the unappreciative prude. If you fall into these aforementioned categories, abort this post immediately or prepare to be offended.

- "...as useless as tits on a nun."

- "What do you want, egg in your beer?!" (said to someone who should be pleased, but isn't)

- "Vanish like a fart in the wind."

- "Colder than a witch's titty in a brass bra."

- "Even a blind squirrel will find a nut once in a while." -Andrew Shroads

- "It's raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock."

- "...sweating like a whore in church."

- "That was a phi beta kappa maneuver." (when you do something stupid)

- "You can't soar with the eagles in the morning if you're out hooting with the owls all night." -Erica Shaya

- "Nice shot, Oswald."

- "Shit or get off the pot!"

- "'Ah, I see' said the blind man." -Mike Chacon

- "Do you want a medal or a chest to pin it on?" (for someone who thinks they deserve more credit than they do)

- "... faster than Grant took Richmond."

- "____iest   ______  in America." -Tasha Richardson

- "Busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest."

- "I gotta piss like a racehorse."

- "... dumber than pond scum."

- "You smell like a urinal in a Portuguese cat-house." -Jimmy Kevorkian

- "... slower than molasses in January."

- "... doesn't know his ass from a buttercup."

- "Happier than a two-peckered goat on a sheep ranch."

- "Too many chiefs, not enough indians." (to describe a situation wherein too many people are trying to take charge)

- "...doesn't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of." (to denote someone who is broke)


There ya have it, folks, a condensed list of my favorites from my private collection. I had to leave out the extremely politically incorrect ones, so if you would like to hear them, let me know I would be happy to share in a more private forum.

Well, in hopes that tomorrow I can move into my new place faster than Grant took Richmond, it's time for me to vanish like a fart in the wind and hit the hay. Happy trails!