If not me, who? If not now, when?

Two days ago, actress/director Emma Watson (Hermione Granger of Harry Potter fame) delivered a speech at the UN to promote the #HeForShe campaign. If you haven't seen it, do yourself a favor and take 10 minutes to watch:

In her speech, she brought to light many truths, three of which particularly resonated with me. In a world where feminism is barely one second old on the calendar of humankind's time on Earth, with thousands of years to battle against, how do we change perceptions around a beautiful idea that has quickly turned ugly?

"Feminism" as a bad word
As a girl power-preaching, UC Berkeley-attending, equal rights-advocating, outspoken female athlete from a strong women-having household (hi mom!), even I am guilty of interpreting "feminism" and "feminist" with negative connotations. Man-hating. Hairy legs. Unwanted outspokenness. Feminism, as conveyed by the media and my immediate society growing up, meant anger, Birkenstocks and bra-burning.

Thankfully, I attended possibly the best university in the world for correcting my flatly wrong assumptions. As Watson points out, feminism, by definition, is "the belief that men and women should have equal opportunities." When taken literally, almost everyone I've ever met is a feminist. And my hope is some day (soon) feminism will be understood fully as all the great things for which it stands.

Feminists come in all forms
You don't have to attend rallies, lobby Congress, or speak at UN summits to be a feminist. Simply believing in the idea of gender equality and building up both women and men around you is a contribution. A movement needs leaders, but it also needs soldiers on the ground. Teach your daughters self-worth. Make it safe for your sons to show emotion. Little efforts can affect big change. Watson points out several examples of inadvertent feminists who made a large impact on her life:

My life is a sheer privilege because my parents didn’t love me less because I was born a daughter. My school did not limit me because I was a girl. My mentors didn't assume that I would go less far because I might give birth to a child one day. These influences are the gender equality ambassadors that made me who I am today. They may not know it but they are the inadvertent feminists needed in the world today. We need more of those.

Gender equality is a social norms movement. Right now it is widely believed, in most of the world's cultures, that women are second-class citizens. That men need to be tough. That a woman's sole purpose in life is to make babies and please her husband, and a man's is to be the breadwinner. That a woman's body belongs to her man. That boys should not like pink.

Changing perceptions is never quick nor easy, but it has to start with someone, somewhere.

If not me, who? If not now, when?

It goes both ways
Too often feminism is connected with double standards, that women want to have their cake and eat it too. For example, women want equal pay, yet still expect the man to pay the bill on a dinner date.

That's simply not feminism.

Feminism is equality for everyone, men too. Feminism means splitting the check, or paying next time. Do not mistake feminism for this unwanted mutation of the idea. Feminists want to have their cake, but they want to bake it, in equal partnership, and split it fifty-fifty with someone of the opposite sex.

[Feminism] is the theory of political, economic and social equality of the sexes.

Unless you live under a rock, you're probably aware of the recent domestic violence scandal involving the NFL right now. Ray Rice, Ray McDonald, Jonathan Dwyer and others have been charged or indicted within the past two months for some form of domestic violence, against women. Should they be punished? Yes. Should the NFL be under fire for not handling these (and many previous) cases more seriously? Absolutely. Is there a major problem of criminal culture alive and well in the NFL? You betcha.

But what about female soccer standout Hope Solo? She was arrested in June for allegedly beating up her sister and nephew.* After about two days making back page news, the matter was quietly forgotten. She was suspended for one NWSL game and paid a measly $2,500 fine, never missing a game for the USWNT.

Yesterday was the first time I've seen Hope Solo brought up in the same context as the NFL cases. U.S. Soccer is standing by its decision to allow her to continue playing and hardly anyone is giving it a second look. It's not headlining SportsCenter. It's not opening every local evening news tonight.

So what gives? How can we achieve full equality if we don't advocate for the bad along with the good? Equal means equal.

Let's forget the Birkenstocks, allow our boys to wear pink and suspend Hope Solo. Let's make feminism synonymous with its true meaning: equality.

*Every incidence of domestic violence is different in action, context, and circumstance. I am in no way equating or comparing in specificity any case mentioned in this post, only pointing out the similar legal charges.