Do you want fries with that?

The fact that there are no excise taxes imposed on fast food sales is perhaps the most blatant sign today that special interest lobbyists run D.C.

How many times have you read or heard the phrase "obesity epidemic" when others are referring to Americans' gluttonous appetites and exploding waistlines? Why is spandex making a comeback? How many TV shows have you seen featuring especially corpulent individuals "trying to make a change" by being put on strict diets and working with personal trainers for 9 hours a day? And how many fast food chains do you drive or walk by daily?

These issues are not unrelated. The CDC reports that 33.8% of American adults are obese (obesity is defined as more than 30 on the BMI scale). Since 1980, the prevalence of obesity among children has tripled. I'm not going to beat a dead horse. We have all been acutely informed that Americans' unprecedented, rapid weight gain is hurting not only our health, but also our wallets.

This is not a post scolding the behaviors of individuals and their ingestion habits. God gave you a mind of your own and free will so that you may make such decisions on your own. What I do not understand is why fast food is not being taxed.

Cigarettes are taxed to the point of plunder ($1.01 per pack federally, + state tax). Alcohol is also taxed up the yang ($2.17 per 750ml bottle of 80 proof alcohol federally, + state tax). The arguments for such taxation? Cigarettes and alcohol are bad for your health, are habit-forming, and cater to social undesirables. "Sin" taxes are imposed on such goods to discourage their being purchased, and thus used. Famous legislators throughout history (congressmen, presidents) have been heralded as super heroes for standing up to Big Tobacco and the Liquor Industry, for putting their foot down in the name of a healthier America. The Fortress of Solitude must have canceled its subscription to the Daily Planet. The Bat Cave must no longer receive the Gotham Gazette. They clearly haven't heard, because there's not a superhero in sight willing to touch fast food legislature.

To me, the properties of fast food sound pretty darn similar to those of cigarettes and alcohol. Bad for your health? Check. Habit-forming? Check. Leads to socially frowned-upon state? Check.

Then why, o why, can I walk into a KFC and order a Double-Down (absolutely nauseating) for $5? And riddle me this: why, if I am anywhere on contiguous American soil, is there never a McDonald's more than 107 miles from me? And how come the fast food industry generated a staggering $155 billion in revenue in 2008?

It seems to me that we can at least solve one of two of our nation's many problems by taxing the shit out of fast food: 1. People will eat less of it, leading to a healthier population or 2. Billions will be generated in tax revenue, an easy way to lessen the federal deficit. Seems like a no-brainer, right?

Unfortunately, fast food lobbyists too seem to have the government by the balls like their other big corporate counterparts. But I remain optimistic for a change. The day a Big Mac costs more than an avocado at the market will be a jewel in the crown of American tax reform.

P.S. If you are a bit unsure of how lobbying works, I highly recommend watching either Thank You For Smoking or Casino Jack.