Sexual healing

Two years ago, I took a class at Berkeley titled "The Evolution of Human Sexuality." As a media studies major, it had nothing to do with my field of academia. I just needed 2 units and the class came highly recommended. It was bar-none the best class I have ever taken in terms of interest, informativeness, and applicability to real life. It was taught by a brilliant professor by the name of Dr. Malcolm Potts. Hard to imagine that this exuberant, elderly, mad-scientist (complete with the hair) British professor has the final say in all things sexual. But he does.

At first I was a little put off by the class, as it quickly (and almost completely) eroded all my lifelong girlish notions of finding true love and living happily ever after. Did you know that of the over-5,000 species in the animal kingdom, only 3-5% are monogamous? And did you know that our closest biological relative, the bonobo chimpanzee (pan paniscus), is highly polygamous, and engages in behavior that is considered sexually deviant even in our society? If you are one to believe in both scientific authority and monogamy, this is not very good news.

Moreover, we learned that though both men and women are programmed for polygamy, men have more to gain from infidelity and therefore are more prone to it (I know, shocker). Males are subconsciously wired with the need to spread their genes as far-reaching as possible to ensure familial longevity. Very sorry if I just ruined any of your idealistic beliefs. And ladies, we can't put all the blame on the fellas. Turns out we too have a subconscious sexual-wiring. It is our main biological purpose to find the best possible traits for our children to inherit. Yep, this means anytime we see anything come along that is better than what we have, our cheat radar goes off louder than the firehouse alarm in the SFFD in 1906.

While this news may sound downright dreary, there is an upside. Occasionally, our emotional bonds overcome our biological need to cheat. We also have another advantage. As humans, our highly developed brains contain these strange little things called consciences. Mix those with a pinch of self-control, stir until saturated, and you've got yourself monogamy. Through the ages, our hyper-sanitized self-believed superiority in the animal kingdom, along with the advent of global religion (7th Commandment, people- know your Moses) has made us a species that (however unnatural) strives for monogamy. Only question is, can you hack it? Can your significant other hack it? Ladies, I'm sorry, but we're already at an inherent disadvantage, as since birth the media (i.e. romantic comedies and fairytales) have been pumping our brains with ludicrous information that directly defies science.

While there is some hope, we can't forget everything that nature (and experience) has taught us. As Dr. Potts ever-so-eloquently said, "Women give sex for love. Men give love for sex." Brilliant. Even Gandhi-esque.

So, you weekend warriors, as you take up your swords of alcohol and your shields of sexually dimorphic duds in search for whatever it is you search for as you head to the bars every weekend, keep this information in mind.



*Bonus! A few other fun facts learned in Dr. Potts' class:

-The female spotted hyena defies the norm as she wears the pants in the relationship. This includes having a locking-clitoris that doesn't let her mate's penis go until she's good and ready!

-Breast feeding after childbirth serves as a natural contraceptive.

-In many cultures, it is common to give birth in a sitting position. There are studies that show this is both safer and can be more comfortable.